1. What advice would you have for other women over 40 who are thinking they’d like to transform their life?
Happiness isn’t something that occurs when conditions are more or less perfect in your life. You have to make a conscious choice to be happy and say yes to new opportunities. You are more likely to regret a ‘no’ than a ‘yes’!
Start today and don’t wait. Focus on the little things first and find joy in small moments and events that occur every day. Before you know it, these daily events and positive ways of thinking will carry you down a new path and transform your life into a one that brings you fulfillment.
2. What drives you forward today – who or what is your motivation?
Investing in a business that gives me purpose – not just money. It brings me great happiness to bring like-minded singles over 40 together by organising safe, fun events where they can create great memories and really enjoy the experience (with the possibility starting of a lovely new relationship – for members open to the idea)!
My children are also a great motivator for a balanced and fulfilling life… a life where my business and private life don’t clash, but enhance our experiences and memories, enriching both mine and my children’s lives in a positive way.
3. How would you describe yourself and life before your big life change, and how would you describe yourself today?
In my early 40’s, I found myself a divorced, single lady with two small children. I lacked self-esteem, motivation and had no vision for my future. I had a “band-aid” approach to everything and the mindset “I will get back to it”! But I never did and the emotional baggage piled up, along with a decline in both my mental and physical health.
I thought of myself as a burden to most people I knew or met and didn’t hold much worth in my own voice or life experiences. I saw myself as a terrible mum. Financial issues were a daily struggle and shift work was the only thing available to juggle my newfound single mum life. I hated my life, the person I was and being told regularly “you can’t do it”.
Today I am independent, confident, self-aware and understanding of my emotions and actions so that I can handle future situations better. I’m very passionate about my life and my beliefs. I now respect myself and know my worth, guided by honesty and integrity. I am an awesome mum, understanding that I don’t have to have all the answers – because a loving home trumps everything.
I have a strong moral compass and my emotional intelligence is a strong trait that I am finding invaluable as a woman in business. My members are other singles over 40, so I can really relate and read situations with empathy, by putting myself in their shoes. I can still be vulnerable, but now I find strength in asking people for help.
With self-discipline and a thirst for knowledge and learning, I am now an optimist with a strong vision for the future. My business survived Covid-19 lockdowns which took a damn lot of perseverance and resilience as I learned to pivot and change my business plan to give it a higher chance of success. My response to “you can’t do it” is now… “WATCH ME!”
Time spent worrying is wasted, so stop doing it!
4. What are some misconceptions about turning 40 that you can “myth bust” for us?
“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” would have to be my favourite – but there are so many. You won’t make new friendships, you should forget about finding someone special, you are too old to wear sexy clothes or a bikini, your sex life will never be as good as your 20’s… definitely all of those. You think songs from your younger years are better than today’s music (oh wait, that one is true)!!
It only gets better and you are hardly past your prime. Ok… you may dream of earlier bedtimes, more comfortable clothes, spend a lot more hours at Bunnings and your now infrequent hangovers last longer. But now you are focused, determined and know what you want. You have evolved, have life experience and an understanding of the no BS rule.
You CAN teach an old dog new tricks. I went from knowing only how to switch my computer on and off (and outsourcing everything), to completing multiple short courses on a diverse range of computer programs. I still outsource, but only because my time is better served in other areas of my business.
In the past year, there were 23 weddings and engagements resulting from people meeting at my events. People walk in the door as strangers and walk out as friends! After every event, I always receive at least one lovely message about my event and someone they have met. Granted, it is hard to walk in the door solo… but wasn’t it always?!
The “too old to wear sexy clothes or a bikini” myth – why the hell not? Do whatever makes you happy! I have some truly stunning male and female members who would run rings around what the younger generation call an “outfit” nowadays.
Oh yes… “sex life is all done dusted and you should forget about it now that you are over 40”. “Single people use the other side of the bed for clean clothes to be put away, a pet bed or storage”. I’m sorry, what?! Over 40’s are having the BEST sex of their lives, with more permission and motivation to explore different aspects of sexuality. There is more sexual confidence, a stronger sense of sexual self, desire to make sex more playful and feeling deeper emotional bonding for more meaningful and passionate sex.
5. Can you tell us about your transformation, starting your own business and how this evolved – what was the turning point that prompted this change?
I hit rock bottom with no home, no identity, no career, no money and no self-worth. I was over the demeaning and humiliating dating apps. I returned home late one night after trying something new – a “speed dating” event. I sat down and shook my head. “What the hell was that?” I said to myself. It was nothing it promised to be and I had spent the night just walking around trying to find the next person I was to meet. The venue was open to the public, so who knew who else had paid the ridiculous price of $130 to attend. Surely other people must feel the same way as I did.
I saw an opportunity and by saving a little of each pay, I started the research process to discover what would make other singles over 40 walk away thinking “that was a really great night”. Something that gives them more than just a “night out”. Something that rewards them for being brave and attending an event for the first time and leaves them with a wonderful memory.
I now organise and run exclusive Singles Over 40 events. A glam night of great food, music and conversation – connecting singles with hundreds of like-minded people. My team does all the hard work including the guest list and venue. You just have to work out what to wear and use your phone to take selfies with your new friends!
If you are reading this, WELL DONE. You have just taken the first step to transforming your life and if you haven’t been told recently – you are a strong, intelligent and absolutely amazing human who has a fantastic life ahead of them. All you need to do is say YES. You’ve GOT THIS!!!